I remember being in a place in my active addiction where I literally was puppeted by demons. I engaged with them and became comfortable yet with a healthy fear of them. No, this was not Halloween people! The monsters were in my head and around me everyday. This was real. The dark bondage insane place where my disease took me. I recall living two lives, wearing masks to the people around me that loved me, pretending that “everything was okay “ then becoming a monster within myself, dibbing and dabbling with fire- asking myself how the heck did I get here? Again?!
Recovery has been removing these masks one at a time. Breaking those chains to my dark small little world. Abnormal was normal, until by some supernatural grace, I began to take steps that surrounded me with others whom were actively seeking a life Free from active addiction. In the face of being around others in recovery, I began to realize that there was a better way. That what was objectionable to me, became the norm and that I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I began to move towards the people and things, as uncomfortable as it it was, that would shed light in my life. Willingness and Connectedness was the Key. I fearlessly allowed myself to share truly what was going on inside me to whoever was available to listen. Finally admitting to myself and others that I was not okay. In that, I began to have a real experience of Honesty. The substances and alcohol had me licked-literally I heard a voice in my head that last night I shot up heroin. This calm consistent voice in my thought process. Repeatedly It said, “This sh** got you, you have to go to rehab.” And thus began my process again into recovery. I began to go against what my nature and thinking were. Trusting the process as it unfolded before me, moving in it, regardless of my inner objections. Today, I live a life of Freedom. Today, I don’t have to use or drink. Today, I get to show up and have my family in my life. Today, I am a productive member of society. Today, I help others. Today, I can actually be aware and enjoy holidays!
To the one who is reading this, there is a way out! Life is not All or Nothing. We can start our day over at any time. Keep your head where your feet are! We can’t get sober alone. We need others.
May you you find your pathway to Recovery, NOW!
Happy Halloween! No more Tricking, just Treating!