The desire of perfection
Fear of rejection
Simply vanish,
With the devil’s injection.
But the unknowing progression-
Of compulsion,
O b s e s s i o n
A simple misdirection,
Of internal self-deflection.
Now needles have my attention,
And I’m its possession.
This wasn’t my intention
On coping with depression.
With a few learned lessons
I found my direction.
Making personal connections,
Giving others their shot at life’s redemption.
– Positive Progression
By Jessica Sholl
I am sharing this poem I wrote years ago, as well as my story to spread awareness, break the stigma, and most importantly… share some hope. My name is Jessica Sholl, I am a person in recovery, and I refuse to be anonymous.
The first time I went to rehab I was a freshman in college. I went into rehab coming off a successful softball season both on the field, and off the field in the classroom. I was always pretty much successful, regardless of my drug use- until I wasn’t. I was sitting in rehab for the first time under the age of 21 and telling myself; “I am never coming back here again, I’m done, I’m never doing this again.” When I look back and think of that time, that teenage girl had no idea what the next almost 10 years of her life would look like. Once playing softball was over for me, my addiction was finally able to rule my life. I batted .638 my last season in college, then a year later I was homeless on the streets in South Florida. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I made it out of Florida alive. I spent many years after that trying to maintain recovery that lasted more than 6 months. Now, after 30+ facilities, 16 overdoses, and my grandmother purchasing a cemetery plot for myself in 2020, it is absolutely a blessing from God that I have 18 months in recovery. Being a part of the SHERPA Program at FCA is more than just a job, it’s about being that person that I needed when I was trying to obtain recovery. Working as a SHERPA and working out of the THRIVE recovery community centers gives my trauma, pain, and suffering a purpose and reason. I came out of the trenches, so I can go back into them and try to offer a hand to grab to the people who are still there. If you’re reading this, are you are a person who is seeking recovery and think you’ll never get it, I promise you, it is possible. To the family member or loved one reading this, there is still hope.
If you’re still breathing, there is hope and there is help available, and you are NEVER ALONE.