Five Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Sober
Getting sober initially felt like a 90-yard, game-winning touchdown run called back for offensive holding. I thought I’d walk into recovery, high-five a few sober people, and magically transform into a well-adjusted, responsible adult overnight. Turns out, it doesn’t quite work like that. If I could sit down with my past self, I’d grab him by the shoulders, shake him and say, “Listen, buddy, you have no idea what’s coming but here are a few spoilers.”
1. Sobriety Doesn’t Fix Everything.
It Just Stops You from Making It Worse. After the first few weeks of sobriety, I low-key thought that everything I had ever done, all the mistakes I made and all the people I had hurt would magically fix themselves. Unfortunately, life isn’t like Wolverine or Deadpool- it can’t heal itself. But if I’m trying to change, why shouldn’t everyone else? It’s because sobriety doesn’t come with a refund policy for all the stupid stuff I did while drinking. Relationships still needed fixing. Fences need mending. I was still me—just awake and aware of the consequences.
2. Your Brain Will Try to Convince You That You Weren’t That Bad.
At some point, I started second-guessing my decision. Buyer’s remorse is a thing. It’s easy to begin romanticizing the drinking days, conveniently forgetting the blackouts, the toll it took on my relationships, and that one time I passed out on the bathroom floor in Penn Station. The mental gymnastics my brain is capable of is next-level delusional. As it turns out, I was that bad.
3. Not Everyone Will Be Excited About Your Sobriety.
I’m unsure why I thought confetti would fall from the sky and my family, friends, and co-workers would throw me a ticker tape parade. But it didn’t quite happen that way. About a month into my sobriety, my wife got angry with me because I forgot to empty the dishwasher. I told her to “Let Go Let God”, and she just about punched me in the thorax. As it turns out, when you get sober, people finally have room to reflect on all the pain you’ve caused, and they aren’t always super forgiving at first, and with good reason. I quickly realized I was not the only one who needed the space to heal. It was my turn to listen and accept that relationships aren’t one-sided. I had catching up to do.
4. Feelings? What Are Those?
I heard something early in my recovery that stuck with me like a piece of gum on a loafer. “The best part about getting sober, is you get your feelings back and the worst part about getting sober is you get your feelings back.” Every feeling I had been numbing with alcohol came flooding back like a swarm of termites squatting under a new wooden deck. Sadness, anxiety, joy, guilt, shame, excitement, remorse, hope—sometimes all in the same hour. It was overwhelming at first, but eventually, I learned to utilize the tools I acquired in recovery to process my emotions instead of drowning them in alcohol. And I didn’t have to do it alone. “This too shall pass” was a mantra playing on a loop in my brain 24/7.
5. Socializing Sober is Uncomfortable at First.
Getting sober was emotional puberty for me—clumsy and awkward. What drink do I order at dinner? Can I make it through that wedding sober? Will I be funny anymore? Dancing? Out of the question. The first time I went to a concert sober, I felt like a piece of bacon in a frying pan. I had no idea what to expect and underestimated how uncomfortable I would be without the crutch of a drink or a drug. I remember being at a Dave Matthews concert with friends and spending the entire show hiding in the stairwell talking to my sponsor. Walking to the bathroom was like tiptoeing through a minefield filled with the smells, sounds and sights of everything I was trying to avoid. My sponsor warned me not to go. He said, “Jason, you’re walking into the lion’s den with a pork chop tied to your ass.” He was right. Don’t Worry, It Gets Much Easier. You might not feel as funny, friendly, or even deserving of all the good things that will inevitably come your way. But I’m here to tell you that you are, and you are not alone. An amazing transformation is in store for you; the journey is the best part. Embrace your recovery. Empower yourself. Enjoy this new and sometimes crazy life we get to live.
The bottom line is that getting sober can feel like an impossible task, and sometimes, it can be overwhelming. But it takes practice and patience, like anything else you are learning or experiencing for the first time. Give yourself the latitude and grace you deserve. Buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Jason Mayo THRIVE Everywhere | Community Outreach Coordinator